Second Marriage Wedding Dress
and Etiquette
Just as with your first marriage, your second marriage
is a new beginning with your fiance. So it makes sense
that many of the traditional rituals and rules of etiquette
apply. But which ones?
There is no reason why you should not register for
gifts, have a shower, or wear a white, full-length gown
at the altar. Whether or not you will choose any of
these options is now considered strictly a matter of
personal preference dictated by your style.
Charting a new course
When it comes to the ceremony, one of the questions
that experienced brides-to-be frequently ask themselves
is "Do I really want to do everything the same or do
something completely different?" If you were married
in a civil ceremony the first time, maybe it's time
to consider a church ceremony, complete with flower
girls, a ring bearer, and attendants.
Because you are certainly all-grown-up now, this is
your chance to plan your wedding exactly the way you
want it to be, without any unnecessary consideration
for the wishes of parents. However, you will want to
discuss your feeling and carry out the planning with
the groom.
On the other hand, if the formality and style of your
first wedding did suite your taste, you should feel
free to repeat those elements. Nevertheless, since this
is a time to look toward the future, rather than returning
to the past, don't get bogged down with history. Using
the same reception site or adding the same personal
touches would be in poor taste, so should be avoided.
Large ceremony or small
The size of your wedding party, as well as the number
of guests you will invite, is entirely up to you. With
regard to the ceremony itself, the rules of etiquette
would be the same as if you were marrying for the first
time.
If you are planning to invite more than 50 guests,
arrange to have attendants (groomsmen or ushers) on
hand. If at all possible, you will want to have one
attendant for every 50 guests.
And Jenny makes three
Children of the bride and/or groom are often a part
of second marriages. If either of you has children,
invite them to participate in the ceremony.
Teens make nice junior ushers and junior bridesmaids.
Very young daughters can, of course, be flower girls,
and little boys, ring bearers or pages. Conversely,
if the ceremony is to be small or the ages of the children
would make them unsuitable for these roles, you might
simply ask them to accompany you down the isle, or meet
you at the altar.
Children do not always welcome the opportunity to
participate in wedding ceremonies. If you children seem
unwilling to play a role in the ceremony, you should
respect their feelings.
Incidentally, if you share custody with your ex-husband,
let him know about plans to include your children in
the ceremony.
Inviting your ex-husband and former in-laws
If you and your former in-laws are still on good terms,
you may want to invite them. However, you are under
no obligation to do so. Consider this as nothing more
than a formality since they would not be expected to
accept.
Rarely would an ex-spouse be invited to the ceremony,
even if the two of you have remained friends. Think
about it. Inviting your ex-spouse to the ceremony leaves
him with only two choices, neither of which would be
welcomed: accepting and feeling bad or declining and
looking bad.
A more sensible and considerate approach would be
to invite him to a private dinner, perhaps at your home,
after the ceremony and honeymoon.
© 2005 Bachcroft Publishing. All Rights Reserved.
About the Author
Jean Bachcroft is a former public relations director,
founder of Bachcroft Labels, and the publisher and editor-in-chief
of Town and Country Shopping Bargains Magazine.
For designer wedding, holiday, and year-round mailing
and return address labels, visit Bachcroft
Mailing and Return Address Labels.
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